Friday, May 27, 2011
Natural Born athlete
Listen…I am NOT a natural born athlete. I am not one of those people to whom physicality comes naturally. You can certainly ask anyone who has seen me do anything for the first time to verify that fact. Ask ANYONE who has seen me on a step mill EVER. Not once have I step milled (yup it’s a verb) and NOT tripped or caught my big floppy toe. Ask any of the people who have seen me run into any of the various obtrusive pieces of stationary globo gym equipment while just walking to the water fountain…like the BIG stuff the hammer strength stuff that doesn’t move. Ask Jake or Alan, who witnessed me max out my vertical jump that one time, how un-graceful and un-poetic each attempt was. I am not a natural born athlete. I thought about it once, (I think…only once because I tend to ruminate a little SHOCKING) my short comings, and I felt that over thinking this one would more than likely force me into another genre of habitual past times like collecting beanie babies or something far more mundane and sedimentary and less well…dangerous…and I came to a clear realization.
I’m not a natural born athlete. I was born to be heavy, I was born to be slow, I was born to procrastinate, and I was born to under achieve or get by on the bare minimum. I know that. I have been in my head and I have seen my own habits and bore witness to my own methods. I am not a natural born athlete. Everything I do is hard for me. Every time I run I’m taxed. Every time I swing a kettle-bell, power clean 155#, walk up walls, pull up, push down, jump over…it’s difficult and I want to stop. I am not a natural born athlete. I beat myself mentally before I start. I think of ways to give up mid stride. I don’t see progression. I have to practice. I have to fail…a LOT. I have to do things over and over and over and over. I have to drag myself sometimes…most times. I get angry with myself multiple times in every workout. I am not a natural born athlete. I know I have limits I face them daily. I know that when I get home today and strap on my pack that it’s going to hurt and its going to wear on me and I will struggle up hills and over rocks. I am not a natural born athlete. I am not particularly good at anything but I do all of these things despite how familiar I am with just that fact. I am not a natural born athlete, but I disregard that handicap I perform as best as I can…that’s, I guess, what makes me an athlete.