My new favorite color is dirty. I am constantly dirty these days and it’s become comforting. Luckily my mom doesn’t read this blog otherwise I’m sure she’d be calling me to tell me I’m making it look like I was raised by wolves or marmots or something…but I wasn’t, mom did a grand job…and she will tell you before anyone else I’m a “daddy’s girl” so she can’t be blamed for anything I do. ANYWAYS…I’m dirty. There is this constant weird black stuff under my nails. I assume it’s from sand or logs or hell maybe it’s just from making breakfast I don’t know.
Yesterday I was forced against my will to climb for 30 minutes with my 50# pack. I so very much did not feel like it at all and in my head I was whining the whole time. Luckily I can put on a good front. My partner in crime at one point (he did it for an hour because he’s ridiculous) looked over at me and asked how I felt. My response was “Oh I feel good my abductors are a little sore but I’m good!” Yea OK..ya know what else I am? I’m a LIAR that’s what. I was NOT good. I was UN-happy about my current station in life. My legs felt like cement jell-o…I don’t even know how that is possible. They were super heavy but not even a little stable. I couldn’t see because in VA right now it is ABOUT 754 degrees and 99% humidity (apparently the “VA is for lovers” slogan was adopted during that three days of spring that VA sees every year…good job way to think that through…I don’t know ANYONE who likes “loving” in this weather it’s too hot to be in close proximity to myself let alone anyone else) and my body refused to keep any water, I so diligently spent all day ingesting, INSIDE my body…it just dumped it out all over my face and eye balls and somehow UP my nose. I got done with that stupid idea…that’s right I said it was STUPID (I can do that because it wasn’t my idea) and went over to the man cave and did 5 rounds of 50x double unders, 25x evil wheels, 5 x135# hang cleans and 15 x chin ups. What was funny about that was EVERYTHING. I couldn’t string more than 10 double unders together to save my life which to the dismay of those around me made for some colorful verbal exclamatories… and my hang cleans…oh brother my hang cleans they were soups ugly. I think I only got under the bar for one set the rest were at the will of God and pure grit…Now I WRITE that I did 5 rounds but there are two people around here that know I only did 4 rounds so let me go ahead and be honest.
By the end of that I was dirty. Evil wheels require that you fully extend so that your stomach is on the floor and my new toothpaste colored power Y tank is now a lovely shade of gym floor dirt grey…this is my happy face. I am aware that it always sounds like I’m complaining but I’m not I love it and by the time I get home, eat and shower and get my nightly pep talk I always feel great. A little proud of whatever I accomplished that day a little scared about what I have to do the next but great…and I mean it this time.
Girl, dirty looks good on you. Own it. Your bad days, your rough days, your days where no matter what anyone tells you, you just don't want any. It's in those moments that you do it anyway because you have to, because you can't live with yourself if you don't. Because even when it's ugly it's work. It's moving you closer and not to a bigger, badder you but a more authentic raw you that whispers, "Just one more. Just one more..."
ReplyDelete